Don’t be penny-wise and pound foolish. Except in very rare circumstances, your failure to retain an experienced Family Lawyer to represent your interests is sure to be a costly mistake. 25+ years of legal practice have proved to me, time and time again, that the cost of correcting a mistake (when it can be corrected - and many cannot) is higher than the legal fees for having your matter handled correctly in the first place.
This information is not meant to be a substitute for advice from an attorney.
1. Do not discuss specific settlement terms with your spouse until you have
consulted
with an attorney who is experienced in Family Law. It is difficult to keep
effective lines of communications open with your spouse if you agree to terms
(and then “change” your mind) that you later find out are either not acceptable
to the Court or do not provide for a settlement which is fair to you because you
do not know the law.
2. Accurate information as to income, assets and liabilities is essential in
reaching an equitable division of property and determining child and spousal
support (alimony). Please click the Link to the
Summit County Domestic Relations Court (http://www.drcourt.org).
Click on the Rules section and go to the last page of the Rules, which is a list
of the basic documents that you and your attorney will need to prepare your case
for trial (or hopefully, for settlement). Gather these documents together while
you still have access to them. Make 2 copies of all the documents. Keep the
original off premises and take the copies to your attorney so that they can be
provided to your spouse. Thousands of dollars are spent in divorce cases trying
to present an accurate picture of finances, based on documents that you have
access to now, but which may “disappear” as soon as your spouse knows that a
divorce is likely.
3. Take a written and picture inventory of all your household goods,
furnishings, motor vehicles (motorcycles, boats, ATV’s, etc.) and other personal
property. Have a friend accompany you while you make this inventory. Start at
the basement all the way to the attic, and don’t forget the garage and any
storage unit you rent or other places at which you have property. If there are
items of unusual value (collectibles, antiques, etc.) try to provide pictures
and identifying information as to those items for valuation purposes. Have your
friend sign and date the inventory in the event that items disappear (amazing
how these things get legs when marriages are having problems).
4. Prepare a short typewritten/computer-generated (3 or 4 page) chrononological
history of your marriage so that it is easily readable by your attorney.
Remember that most attorneys are normally paid by the hour, so you don’t want
them to spend time trying to figure out messy handwriting. Include information
on the reasons for the divorce, and any concerns that you or your spouse might
raise about the parenting ability of the other parent.
5. Remember, as a general rule, assets are divided as of the date your case is
tried or when you reach a settlement with your spouse. If you are making
voluntary contributions to a Deferred Compensation program, IRA, 401-K program,
etc., and if there is not a dollar-to-dollar match by your employer, you might
want to consider stopping your contribution.
6. Debts incurred during the marriage (regardless of whose name the debt is in)
are normally determined as of the date of filing of a divorce action. Notify (by
certified mail, return receipt) any joint creditors that you will no longer be
liable for charges which your spouse makes on any joint account after their
receipt of the letter. This will not affect whether charges made by your spouse
before the divorce is filed are considered “marital”, but may limit your
liability to the creditors. Remember, you have a contract with your creditors,
and your creditor can choose to pursue collection on a joint account against
either you or your spouse, or both of you. Even if the Court determines that
your spouse is to service a joint debt, their failure to pay will affect your
credit. It is a good idea to obtain a credit report from all three of the major
credit reporting agencies (TransUnion, Experian, and Equifax) and provide these
to your attorney (after checking closely for inaccuracies).
7. Read your attorney’s fee agreement closely, and request that you receive a
copy of all papers
filed with the Court, correspondence between attorneys, and any other documents
in your file. It is important to understand that your attorney cannot guarantee
a result for you, as they do not write the law and are not the decisions makers.
They can, and should, explain the laws relating to custody, child support,
spousal support (alimony) and division of property and liabilities, as well as
explaining the procedure and policies in the County where your case will be
filed (the process can vary greatly from county to county).
Understand that for many questions (ex. how much child or spousal support will I
get/have to pay) there are no simple answers, particularly early on in the
divorce process when all necessary financial documentation needed to answer
these question may well not be available. Write down the questions you have for
your attorney to discuss at your meetings (in person and by phone). Remember, as
most attorney’s charge in increments of an hour, it is critical that you use
their time (and your financial resources) wisely.
8. If you have minor children and are separated, and assuming that your spouse
is an adequate parent (they don’t have to be perfect to be the parent that your
children love and need), encourage regular and consistent contact. The Court, in
determining custody, looks at whether a parent is facilitating visitation. If
you have legitimate concerns for the health and safety of your children, you
need to document these concerns and start legal action as soon as possible. DO
NOT have your children around special friends until your marriage is ended. This
may be a more difficult time for them than it is for you, and introducing third
parties into their lives at this time will only complicate matters legally as
well as emotionally for all concerned.
9. If your children, or you, are having difficulty coping with the problems in
the marriage, consider counseling. Seeking counseling is not considered a
weakness by the Court. Involve the other parent in the children’s counseling if
recommended by the therapist.
10. Begin keeping a diary of events as they happen. Documentation is essential
in and after a
divorce (particularly if you have children, for the Court will retain the power
to review parenting issues and support while the children are minors). Memories
are faulty, particularly in times of stress, but if you make notes of events
when or soon after they happen, you will later be able to refer to them (even
years later) to refresh your memory.
11. Consider mediation (or the collaborative divorce process) to deal with at
least your children’s issues (even though your entire divorce may be mediated by
these methods, called Alternative Dispute Resolution). This does not mean that
both you and your spouse do not need an attorney to advice you as you go through
mediation (in the collaborative process you and your attorney and your spouse
and their attorney will always be meeting jointly). However, mediation often
keeps the emotional heat in a divorce turned down, and can frequently save
considerable money. Discuss these options with your attorney.
Here are some links to sites
that will explain mediation and collaborative divorce are listed below, as well
as links to other sites that you might find helpful.
Be honest and co-operate with your attorney.
Please, remember that your children most likely feel more “out-of-control” than
you do while going through this process. Reassure them that both you and their
other parent love them, and that they will not “lose” either of you. The basis
for the quality of your new “relationship” with your children’s other parent is
formed during the divorce. That relationship will last during your lifetime, so
do all you can to get it off to a good start!